I'm not a foodie...I just play one on the Internet

I don't even play one on the Internet. I just like food a lot. Therefore, I think it's time to to talk about this favorite subject. But before we get too deep into this post, let me be clear. I don't consider myself a "foodie". Well, I do. But not in the way people use the term "foodie". There are several definitions of "foodie" in the Interweb. Some definitions are simple and straight to the point. Then there are the humorous definitions. Whenever I think "foodie", I think of definition #2 on that last link.

If I were to visualize the spectrum of people on the "foodie" scale, it would look something like this:

Level 1 - "Eat to Survive": People who eat to satisfy simple human needs. Note - I didn't say eat to "live" cause this ain't living people, it's existing. It's consuming vast amounts of inexpensive, processed and fast foods. For some, their means only allow this. Although I feel that people can eat fresh food that is good for them while on a budget, this post is not about that.

Level 11 - "Foodie": People who regularly execute recipes from Bon Appetite that contain 87 ingredients that can only be purchased at Whole Foods. Ingredients that will be used once. So unless you are going to make this recipe to serve 25 people, or will make it 20 times in the next month, those ingredients will never be used again. It's ok to venture into the extreme "foodie" realm from time to time and it's ok to have the super-sized value meal from your favorite fast food joint. But if your kitchen looks like a Sur la Table catalog and all you do is buy from farmers markets and turn your nose up and some good old comfort food, then you unfortunately, are a d-bag. Don't be a d-bag. We can't be friends.

I think of myself in the 7-9 range. There are processed foods in my pantry. Gasp. But my go-to foods spoil quickly so running to the grocery store for fresh foods twice a week is the norm.

This brings me to my most recent cooking baking cooking a sweet dish adventure. I don't consider myself a baker -- I'd make a good contestant on Top Chef, since the bulk of contestants can't bake. ANYWAYS. It's not really that big of an adventure. I just followed a recipe. But I can follow a recipe like a CHAMP!

So I'm on one of my "I-need-to-find-new-recipes-that-are-healthy-and-wholesome-or-I-will-go-crazy" jags. It's no secret that I troll Pinterest for inspiration. A beautifully composed picture of dish as basic as baked lemon chicken will reel me in every time. This Blueberry Baked Oatmeal is no exception. I love oatmeal and have been trying to find different ways to enjoy that don't include dumping it from a paper pouch or packaging five different ingredients to shlep to the office for my morning brekky. "Make it Sunday Monday night and have breakfast all through the week." Right on...I'm all over that. And this was the result.

Isn't that gorgeous?

Excuse me while I go fan myself. It's that good--not too sweet, not too thick or too thin---it was just right...commented Goldie Locks. I had my official taste-tester sample the end product and I received an approving nod. There are no fancy ingredients -- no steel cut oats or locally-sourced, organic blueberries picked-by-former-convicted-felons-trying-to-get-a-second-chance-at-a-better life (they were frozen--the blueberries--not the felons). In fact, the syrup I used has a lot of sugar in it. Gasp! Ok, I went overboard. I really should have used a reduced sugar syrup.

I'm no "foodie". I get really excited over good food. That makes me a food enthusiast.

It's all Robert Downey Jr.'s Fault

I can't eat scallops. Bummer, right? "They're soooooooo good," people say. They are on nearly every episode of Top Chef and Hell's Kitchen. I agree. They are soooooooo good. But I can't eat them. I have an allergy to scallops. I don't have an allergy to any other shellfish. I can gobble down shrimp, crab legs, and thankfully lobster. You're probably thinking, "How is it possible that you can't eat scallops but you can eat all those other seafood yummies?" Dunno. I don't have the letters "MD" behind my name, and to be honest I have never been officially tested. Let me explain.

The first time I ever tried scallops was at a PF Chang's in I think, 2000. Lemon scallops. They were good too. That night I fell violently ill. You know, the works. I don't need to go into detail because I think there is already enough content on the Internet about puke and poop to last mankind through the next ice age. I do recall looking at myself in the mirror the next day and seeing a lot of broken blood vessels around my eyes. The scallops were very eager to exit my body and did so in a very forceful manner.

Fast forward four years. Different state (Massachusetts). Different restaurant chain (Legal Seafood). I tried a seafood casserole that contained scallops. That night, I awoke sicker than I had ever been in my entire life, shivering, covered in hives, and itching all over. Since then I have not touched scallops.

Fast forward to a couple days ago. I headed down to this local restaurant known for good shawarma. I've eaten there a couple times so this time, I decided to go bold with a couple new condiments. I opted for some baba ganoush and a mystery red sauce...ingredients tbd. It was tasty! I ate about half of the wrap along with some pita bread and hummus. Upon returning to work, I started sneezing...and sneezing...and OMG Desiree, why are you sneezing so much?!?! Then the runny nose, as if a waterline had been opened. It took me a while to realize I may have had a reaction to something I had eaten. I took an allergy pill and the symptoms cleared up, mostly.

But the next morning when I got out of the shower I was covered, head to toe in HIVES!!!! Fortunately, this time there was no nausea. I am being treated for my reaction and I may consider seeing an allergist once and for all.

Wait - what do scallops and shawarma have in common, you ask? Nothing. Except that there is something about scallops and something contained within the shawarma that my bodies says, "Oh hell no Desiree!" I lay blame on Robert Downey Jr. If it weren't for this scene, I still wouldn't know what shawarma is. Thanks a lot IRONMAN!

Just ask the Internet...it knows EVERYTHING!

Tonight I decided to sit down once and for all and figure out how to insert pretty social media buttons onto my blog. You know what I'm talking about if you troll blogs like I do. If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me educate you. I'm referring to the Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google+ buttons you can see on my blog off to the right. If you click them, they will take you to all my social sites. Yep---putting myself out there. Not scary at all.

So I sat down in front of my handy-dandy MacBook Pro and opened up Google and just asked the Internet some questions. Like "how to add a social media toolbar to blogger". Holy cow jackpot! Did you know the Internet has 717,000 answers for that question?!? The first result was a YouTube tutorial. I have found some great tutorials on YouTube for various projects I have worked on. Video tutorials typically yield a pre-pubescent british boy as the instructor. No really. Try searching "how to use chroma-key in Final Cut" and you will likely learn some tricks from Nigel...a 13 year old from the suburbs of London. If some kid with a MacBook who can't drive can figure this stuff out, surely I can! After all, I grew my very own human. I bet you can't do that, Nigel!

I decided to skip the video tutorial. I needed to find code that I could plagiarize, uh rip off, uh rip and reapply. Yes. And I found it here. The author of this article laid out the instructions in a very easy to understand manner. So easy in fact that I got it to work on the first try! If you find yourself wanting to add some really cool buttons to your website or blog, there are oodles of different styles. All you have to do is ask the Internet!

I'm very excited about this little design improvement I made. I look forward to many, many more as I learn more tricks. I hope you continue to read my posts so you can come along with me on this fun little journey.